Episode 44: Raising Kids with Differences with Jenn Klaus

“Hi, I'm Courtney Lundeen, and welcome to the Elevate Motherhood Podcast. Do you find yourself wishing you could have more moms, sisters, and friends encouraging you and pouring into you, inspiring you to live as the mom God has called you to be? Too often our culture minimizes the role of motherhood.

But I believe that being a mom is a high calling. We're answering the call and stepping up to the plate. I love simplicity and efficiency, habits and routines, but my favorite part of life is being a mom.

If you want practical strategies to lighten your load, let some things be easy, simplify your life, and make room for what matters most, you're in the right place. I'll remind you that every blessing and provision is God's, and help you reflect that mindset in your home and to your families. Thanks for joining me, friend.

I'm glad you're here.

Hey everyone, welcome to the Elevate Motherhood Podcast. I have a special guest today. I'm live, my first guest in person.

This is my friend, Jenn, Jenn Klaus. I'm so excited to introduce you guys to her. So Jenn and I met through a bunch of mutual friends. 

“It was the fifth person that was like, are you friends with Jenn? I'm like, I think that we should be friends. So we just got connected through mutual friends, and I think we each took initiative, like invite each other to a kid's birthday party, or it's just how life goes for moms.

So it's been a fun friendship through the years. So Jenn, if you want to tell us a little bit about yourself, and your kid's ages, and all of that, and then have some questions.

OK, perfect. Like Courtney said, I'm Jenn Klaus. I'm from Edmond, born and raised.

And married to my husband, Michael, we went to high school together. Not high school sweethearts, but we started dating in college, then got married. We have three kids.

Our oldest, Willie, is seven, and then a five-year-old girl, Blaiklee, and then our youngest is almost two in a couple of weeks. And it's a girl. Her name is Bailor.

And then for work, I have an embroidery business and do monogramming on things. And then I also have a gift store. And so that's what I do day to day.”

“Love it. This is so great. So this podcast is supposed to be like a conversation with mom, friends, and just like a source of community in this world where sometimes, especially people with young kids, get like stuck at home a lot.

And I just know how important community is and getting involved with people and having conversations and talking to people. And so we want that to be the conversation today. So Jenn is going to talk to us about moms who have a child with differences.

And it's going to be first, we're speaking to moms that can relate and may have questions. And Jenn's like such a good friend and resource in that community. And then we're also talking to all moms and just like how we can all be good friends and inclusive and all of that.

So I think this is going to be a really, really good conversation. So Jenn, if you want to start with, why don't you tell us about Willie first?

Okay, yes. So Willie, my son, again, I said he is seven, he just turned seven in January. And he has Down syndrome and autism.”

“He also has complex medical needs and health issues throughout his life. And so that's what Courtney is referring to for his differences. And what do you want me to do?

And then, so like if you, what would you wish, like do you have like a general advice for a mom that's about to kind of start in this journey with a child with a diagnosis or maybe even they already are on this journey? And like, is there anything that you're like, this is great advice, this is something, like someone said that really helped or something I wish someone would have told me? Or do you have any just kind of like general?

Yes. So let me back up and tell you kind of my story. So Willie was my first baby, obviously.

I was very young looking back on it. I was pregnant with him when I was 25 and I had just turned 26 whenever he was born. And I feel like I was very, I don't know the right word, naive would be it.

“I just have still not enough life experience to think that something bad could happen to me. And so I felt like I was very invincible in a lot of ways. So whenever we got Willie's diagnosis, it was early on in my pregnancy.

We knew he was going to have Down syndrome. And it kind of came obviously as a shock as it would to anybody at any time or period in their life. But I especially felt just in shock because all of my friends were having their first babies and everything was going just according to the normal plan.

And so I started asking myself all of the questions that everyone asks like, why me? Why did this happen to me? Why would God let this happen?

Just not understanding what he had planned for me and what a great journey it was going to end up being. But at that time, I just felt utter shock and scared. And so it was my first baby and I think whether it's like your first or it's your third or fourth baby, I feel like I have 3 points of like advice.

“So, number 1 would be guarding your heart. And what I mean by that is if your friends are like having lunch on Friday and they invite you and you're in that moment, it's like, oh, that sounds like so much fun. Like I'd love to meet you.

And then as the time comes to go, if you're having... Because grief is a roller coaster. So, maybe you were having a great day when you said yes.

But then when the time comes, you're not having a good day or a good moment. I think knowing yourself and knowing that gut feeling or your intuition and following through with it is key. Because you just need to be protective of your own heart to not get hurt by people who are not even intentionally trying to hurt you.

Just knowing yourself and following that voice and following through with it, I think would be the number one piece of advice. And then two with that is know your people. So I feel like if you're coming into a diagnosis, this isn't the time to like be making a lot of or trying to go and meet new friends or letting “new people come into your life necessarily.

Because you'll have recommendations of like, so and so has a cousin whose friend has a child with the same diagnosis. I want to connect to you. And I think that all is so good and great and can be later on.

But in those first moments, I think it's so important to just like stay with your people who know you and know your heart. So, you can truly express all of the emotions that you're feeling without worrying about how you're saying it. If you're going to come off negative or if you're worried about what you're saying and how it's perceived, I feel like that is just holding things in isn't the way to be and way to live.

So, I feel like that would be the second biggest piece of it is just knowing your people and sticking with them so you feel safe to say what you have to say and what you feel. And then the third piece of advice I would give to this is it's all going to be okay. And I didn't list that first because whenever you're new into the journey and you “just get that diagnosis news, like you don't feel like it's going to be okay and you don't want to hear that it's going to be okay because it can come across from people who have like typical situations and have the perfect little family and they're like they see the glass is half full which they're just trying to be encouraging friends I think but it can come off to you as like you don't understand, you're undermining my feelings and so I think it's just important to know in your head like it is going to be okay but you're just not there yet and feeling the wave of the roller coaster of grief because it is a roller coaster.

So those will be my three biggest things.

You're so good. This is already like we can just be done and like that already I feel like is so helpful. So I love that point that like you can just not have to worry about like your honesty and just like processing it with like your people and that's such a good way.

I'm glad that you said that because I hadn't really thought of it that way before and then on that line so when you're ready or are there community like resources is connecting with people with similar diagnosis is like helpful or what would be your advice in navigating like that next chapter like because like you said I'm sure everyone's like I know someone who knows someone and my doctor said and it's just a lot.

How do you do how do you navigate? So I think there's so many support groups and I think that those can be really great things.

And I say there's a lot of support groups like in our situation Willie he actually has a dual diagnosis of Down Syndrome and Autism and those are both like fairly common disorders that there's a lot of people that you can connect with that are have similar situations and then I also have friends who have big kids that have really rare genetic conditions that you're not going to have as many people to connect with because it's more rare.

And so kind of to go with what I was saying before with guarding your heart because whenever so like for example whenever my Willie was like two or three I would be with my friends who have typical kids and their kids were doing things like you know potty training and they were starting to run maybe doing their first activity like soccer or whatever and so it was hard for me to like I can't compare Willie to that because obviously he's meeting milestones differently and so then in those communities of like okay I'm with all of families who have children that have Down syndrome also and so I should feel like more encouraged but then Willie I would say there's a spectrum to every every diagnosis and so Willie's kind of on the first like one end of it where he needs a lot more help than typical situations of families who have a child with Down syndrome and so then I would be going to these events and things of the Down Syndrome Association of Central Oklahoma. They're a great like organization within Oklahoma City and they do great things and I'm a part of it and I love it and but whenever we would go to these things I would see all these kids his same age and they were doing things that he wasn't doing and so then it just became a game of like we all compare our kids like it's just an unnatural thing that we just are a natural thing I guess that we do without even recognizing it like oh their baby's crawling why isn't mine crawling yet you know you start to worry and so with Willie seeing him matched up to like kids his typical age he wasn't meeting the same milestones as them and so I could get in my head about that and then if I resort to like the communities that have children that are like him and then he's not matching up with them either it could it very quickly was showing me like maybe that's not the best place for me and where I'm at right now because I was getting very defeated and not that those families were saying or doing anything to make me feel that way it was all like an internal battle that I was having just because like I said grief is a roller coaster so I think that goes back to my first point of just knowing your people and guarding your heart and so now that I'm Willie's turning seven like I can look back on those experiences and we didn't get his dual diagnosis of him also having autism until much later so now I look back whenever he's two and three and not meeting those things and like oh well it makes sense yeah so again everything's going to be okay it's just knowing what's right for you in every moment of raising any any kid. I think that's like really wise to just and be careful with who you're putting yourself around I think that's good advice across the board too just guarding your heart and being careful with the situations you know are good for you and being wise enough and confident enough to know I need to make a change maybe that's not where I'm gonna go back or maybe this friend made me feel great it was a great like positive thing and more more of that please you know so just guiding yourself in that way and trying to minimize negative feelings okay so maybe if you can speak to the moms like is there some advice you have for the mom to like recharge or take care of yourself or because I know it's got to be a lot just a lot and so I know like I I just see you on like social media and like our mutual friends and it seems like you do like fun stuff with your kids all the time and then fun stuff maybe without your kids or like can you speak to that like how does that work for you like I said I know it might be different for everybody but for your for you yes so first and foremost my husband is like an amazing husband he's very supportive of me and knowing like that I get recharged by being around my girlfriends and doing things socially so whether I'm like playing mahjong with my neighbors or going on a girls trip or dinner with a friend I haven't seen in a while he knows how important those things are for me to be lifted up on hard days or hard seasons so I'm so lucky in how much he is okay with me leaving family and going to do that and he hangs with the kids or whatever so I think it's important to cut out if you know yourself you know what you like and what feels good to you and what you enjoy so finding those things and just really carving out time to do those things whether it's like you need more date nights with your husband if you don't have that like finding a sitter or a family member that you can like lock in like hey once a month we really need this time together and making it happen or the girls trip or just simple things like going on a walk with a friend and whatever your kids are if they're small enough you can push them in shoulders and they can sleep or whatever it is just finding those things that you can build into your schedule to really refuel you.

Yeah and that's sweet like you said I mean this podcast is like for moms but obviously like marriage is such a important part of it and I love how you said like he knows this is important to me and so maybe that's advice even in itself to say like maybe it's different to be like I need a break I'm out of here than to be like I feel so much better when I come back from these conversations with my friends and just kind of being upfront like getting on the same page and I'm sure you do it for him too like different kinds of things so that's sweet that you mention him because I know like the partnership and the marriage is such a blessing especially like when you can get on the same page about stuff like that so that's sweet I know that you guys are so sweet together. Okay so I know you're a Christian too and is there anything you can speak to in that way that like how has your faith like impacted the way you parent Willie or and all your kids or is there anything like you said you know one of your questions at the beginning was like why did this happen you don't have to like give an answer to that but like is there an unless you want to but is there anything that you want to share like encourage moms in their faith or even just things you teach your kids about God that you want to share.

So I always tell people Willie's like my biggest testimony. I've always been a believer in until he was born like I didn't think I had questions around certain things and I did I considered my faith very strong but then once he was born I mean until I feel like you face like a trial and tribulation which God says in the Bible we're going to face trial and tribulations you don't even understand like how solid background is or isn't until you're faced with things that you cannot comprehend why they're happening and you have no control over the situation or the outcome and it those situations are just what make you like you have nothing else but to fall to your knees and just pray that you know good is gonna come from this and so I always share that he's like just my biggest biggest testimony but what I was gonna say about my favorite thing about Willie is and I try and implement or teach this to my girls too which Bailor's only two but Blakely especially is Willie is so he's just so funny like he has no idea what's happening day to day like when he wakes up in the morning it's he has no idea what we're doing like we could be going on a trip or we could be going to school or wherever he has no idea no comprehension of what's to come he can anticipate things like okay I had breakfast and I got dressed I bet I'm they got my backpack out of the closet like I've been about to go to school and he'll stand and look for the bus and see but other than that he doesn't have that understanding of what's to come and yet he just lives his life like goes about his day goes with the flow he doesn't worry about things he finds joy and just sitting at home and playing with his favorite toy or watching his favorite show or being with us going on golf cart rides different things that he likes and he just takes every day day by day and so it's almost like I look up to him in so many ways because he doesn't let outside things worry him when we're at the airport and there's an ignorant person who maybe is giving us looks because he's being loud and rowdy like he doesn't care. Yeah, he could care less like this is me and he owns it.

And so I just I love that about him and it's something I try and teach Blakely to like because we can get embarrassed easily about like certain things about ourselves or what have you. And Willie's just totally his own person. And so that's cool.

I try and you know, teach her that we should all be like, yeah, what a great example.

I love that. That's so sweet. OK, so this is like a question for myself and hopefully the audience.

But so for the moms that are listening, thinking like, I always want to be a good friend. I always want my kid to be a good friend to everybody. But I'm sometimes afraid to even speak because I am so afraid to like say something wrong or like accidentally be offensive.

So I'm wondering if this is kind of common. And the worst part of it would be to not. I mean, I don't know if this is worse.

You can tell me. Is it worse to freeze up and be afraid to reach out because you're afraid to say something wrong? But then it's like isolating, which isn't what you want either.

So it's like we want the community. We want to be loving and truly inclusive and kind. So what would you give advice to moms like approaching conversations with moms who have children with special needs or differences about kindness and sensitivity?

Are there terms or words that we should avoid? Or like what happens if we mess up? Or like, you know, all of that.

Like, do you, I'm sure this is to happen to you. So what can you say for people like me?

Well, I love that you're asking this question. So obviously it's different and I can only speak for myself, but I think it's common that most people or most moms that have a child with special needs welcome conversation and are open to your kids asking questions and you asking questions. And I feel like kids are so curious. Just think of the amount of things they ask you every day like why, why, why, why is it like this? And so it's natural for them to ask and they don't have an intention behind what they ask or how they ask it. They're just curious.

And so I think it's important to encourage them to ask the questions if they have them. But I also think kids lead by example. And so if you as a mom or dad are afraid to ask the questions or you get not uncomfortable or maybe you are a little uncomfortable but you don't know how to act like you don't know what to say or what if they do this, how do I react to that?

I think they're watching you and learning from you. So if you're fostering like relationships with people who are different, if you're curious and ask things like they're leading that you're leading them by example. And so I think you just being the leader in that and then and I'm talking about when they're a lot younger.

I mean I think it's appropriate as they get older like having actual like terminology like discussions with them right like you know some people have down syndrome, some people have autism or talking about specific diagnosis, words that we don't use like we never use the R word. And so I think that's appropriate, but when they're little, it's just it's just letting them ask questions. Like if you're at the park and there's a kid that clearly you can tell some things a little bit different about them, whether meant like a maybe they're like on the spectrum or maybe they have like a physical disability.

I think just being like, oh hi, like what's your name? And just like your kid seeing you be friendly is gonna make them be like, oh.

And so I think just leading by example, asking the questions and then I think those things will just like bloom naturally.

It doesn't have to be like a really serious topic to discuss.

Yeah, that's really sweet. Cause I was thinking about that in regard to this conversation. Like, cause they're so like innocent and pure and kindhearted.

And like you just literally said, like maybe they get it right.

Because that's just what we're supposed to do. And like adults have this like fear that we're like gonna say something wrong, but it's better to just like be a friend.

And just like knowing, like maybe you hurt any friend's feeling.

So it's like it's gonna happen probably regardless, but just like taking the time to like actually be a friend in a lot of ways helps cover, you know, our mistakes when we like mess up. I saw that video of Blaiklee like I will never forget it.

When you were like interviewing her questions about Willie or something, and she just kept saying, he's special and he's amazing. Just like so confidently, like and no further questions.

Like she was just like, that's all you need to know.

He's special and he's amazing.

And that's a good example. So she was like around, I think she was three maybe at the time of that I recorded that. So she knew that her brother was a little bit like different, but we don't, we didn't have the discussion of like, he has Down syndrome.

What that means is this, that and the other. Like she just knew he was a little bit different, but we just talked to her about how, you know, God made him differently, but he's still perfect and amazing. So that's just instantly what she spits out whenever she talks about him to others.

So yeah. And how cool that like he has her forever. And like she's just so sweet.

And even the way she talks is just confident. Like this is all I'll tell you about him. He's special and he's amazing.

I thought that was so sweet. She's a good sister. Okay.

So another question asking for myself. Like, so if I wanted to reach out and get together with Willie and my son, like would...

Is there something like that would be a great idea to do that?

Or do I just say like, what works for you? Or what, you know, be more flexible in the time? Or I know there's like a gymnastic place.

He loves to like have his parties at. Are there certain things that moms listening can know? Like this is a great way to include a family of a child that has differences.

What can I do to be accommodating?

I guess so. I think just always extending the invite is important.

So even if it's like an event that, you know, probably is going to be a challenge or you already know, like they're not going to be able to bring him to this.

I think still just extending the invite so that family knows that you thought of them and that you would want them there is so important. And then like twofold of that is also extending the grace and telling them like we want you here but we also know that if it's like a struggle or a challenge or you can't make it work, we totally understand. I even had a friend, they have like an annual Easter egg hunt every year.

And so she just sent us the invite like a couple weeks ago. And they have like a two story house, a pool, there's tons of kids there, they're all running around and all the kids are getting older so they're, you know, kind of crazy hunting eggs. And so she texted me and she was like, hey, here's the invite.

We would love to have you all. Is there anything I could do better this year that would help Willie be more safe or less stress on you guys? And I just appreciated that so much.

It was so sweet. And I would never expect or ask anyone to like change the layout of their party around our family. But just knowing that she even had like this, like the thought to consider that is just so, so sweet.

That's sweet.

That's a good example for me.

Yeah.

And I know Willie is on a football team, too. And it's like, he can do that. So it's cool.

How did that come about? And I just thought the videos are amazing.

I have a customer actually for my business who's turned like a friend. And then one of my really good friends who's in my neighborhood, too. Both of their sons were on the football team together.

And I kind of just had the thought. And this isn't like, it's not their fault that they didn't think to invite us by any means or anything. But I just think it's something you don't think about if you're not walking our path.

And so, as Willie's gotten older, like sports and I don't know, it's like I said, grief's like a roller coaster. So like there's a lot of things about his diagnosis that like, okay, we've worked through that. And like, I don't even think about that anymore.

But then as he's gotten older, I think sports and typical like boy activities and he's our only son. And so doing that kind of stuff, it's been kind of like hard walking that. And so, and it's what's funny is I always thought that would be really hard on my husband, but I feel like it's been harder on me.

And so anyways, I knew they had the football team together and it was through Friday Night Lights. And I was like, I wonder if Willie could just be like a part of the team. He can't play football, but just for safety reasons and he wouldn't understand the concept of it.

But I was like, I wonder if he can just be a part of the team so he can go to the games just so he can have that team aspect. But also I think that the team can learn so much from him too. And so I was just like, hey, do you guys think the coach would care?

And they're like, oh, I'm sure they wouldn't. So they extended their contact with him and I talked with them and he was like, oh, we'd love to have him. And so anyways, it kind of just came about and so he's kind of like their little mascot.

It's sweet and his favorite.

And they love it. All the boys love it.

Yeah, it's sweet and his favorite part is the handshakes at the very end. So he loves high fives, so that's like the highlight of him going through the line and shaking everyone's hands. But it's sweet because the other team we're playing doesn't see him on the field until it's like time to shake hands. So as they're walking, I mean, he gets some looks like, whoa, who's that kid? Or but again, that's just like that's starting that curiosity. They're like, wait, who is that?

Why, you know, why did why was he so small compared to the other kids? Why was he not playing? And so I just hope that these like little instances or situations are now those things are going to carry on at home for discussion for those families as well.

Right. Okay. So the moral of the story is extend the invitation and let you decide how it's going to go.

So like we're opening the extended invitation, but then like, I understand if we, what can we do to accommodate or like just be totally filled with grace if it doesn't work out, can't come or whatever, doing our best. So that's really sweet. You're just such a like good example and like awesome that you're just speaking to so many people.

So, okay, is there anything else you want to say? Like is there anything encouragement you would want to give to moms to carry away from this conversation? Like kind of, like as we were kind of wrapping up, or is there anything I'm forgetting?

Um, one thing I was going to touch on was, so whenever Michael and I like first got married, obviously you have like all these visions of what you think your life is going to look like, and how you're going to raise your kids, and you know, all the plans that you have for your lives together. Um, and so we obviously had all of those. It's gone a lot different than we expected.

I thought I would, I have a background in education, so I was a teacher for a few years, and then that's when I got pregnant with Willie. I always envisioned that I'd work a couple years, and then start saying I'd be a stay-at-home mom, which I would, I always thought that that's what I would do. But now, obviously, Willie's diagnosis changed the course of how I'm a mother, and having the outlet of my job and work has been so good for me.

And so, I just feel like my path has gone totally different than what I expected, as most people probably do. But going back to what I was saying, is we didn't want our life to change drastically different than what we had planned for our family. So things do look different as far as like, we always knew we wanted to travel a lot with our kids.

We knew we wanted to raise them a certain way. Willie's diagnosis and journey has altered how we do those things, but we still do them. So, it's just not allowing the circumstances of a diagnosis to dictate your life and all the things that you have planned for it.

And so, like for example, if we can't just like hop on a plane and fly our family to New York City for the weekend, like that just, that's not practical for us with Willie and his needs and disabilities. But like last year, we ended up buying a fifth wheel light travel trailer. And so, like we travel on that on weekends, and it's how we can make it work for our family.

And so, I think it's just having an open mind and going back to how everything will be okay. It's going to look different than you planned, but your life was probably going to look different than you planned anyways, even without the diagnosis. So, I think it's just living all the things that you had planned, even if they might be a little bit different.

Ilove that. Gosh, what a good way to end it too. And I thought about that as we were speaking.

I was like, I need to bring up the traveling thing. I'm glad you said that though, because it's so cool. And I love your stories about that.

Okay, so first of all, next week is World Down Syndrome Day.

We're coming up soon. And so can you tell us about that?

I know it's like 321.

Yeah. Okay, so on March 21st, the reason it's the date, like in numericals, 321, which people who have Down Syndrome have three copies of their 21st chromosome. So that's like why it's the world day to celebrate.

And then to celebrate, people wear mismatched socks. The reason why it's that is because even though it's kind of like we're all alike, even if we're a little bit different. So you have crazy mismatched socks. They don't, they go together, but they don't look the same necessarily. And then it's just kind of a ploy on people being like, why are your socks mismatched? And then it's just a way to bring it up and talk about it as it's World Down Syndrome Day.

So on 321, you can wear mismatched socks and talk to your kids about why you're wearing them.

That is so sweet. I love it. We're going to be celebrating that for sure.

So, okay. I know we've talked about your businesses. You have the embroidery and I know people are going to want to follow you.

Like your pictures are amazing. You're creative. Some of the stuff you've done, I like, I've never seen anyone do it.

And I'm like, I want everything that you do. And then also you have The Gift Shop with like two locations now around here. So tell us like, if people are listening and they're like, I want more, I want to learn more about you and Willie and your family.

And then like your businesses too. There's just like so much good coming from you. So how can people like not miss out?

Well, thank you first of all. So sweet. And I'm so grateful that you have me on today to share about this.

And so to find more about me, I feel like I'm very forthcoming with our journey on social media. So I'm off Instagram right now for Lent. But my personal Instagram, I share just day to day stuff usually, including my girls, which looks like a typical situation.

And then our home life and then Willie's stuff with therapies and school, all the things. So you're more than welcome to follow my personal one. And then as far as my business goes, it's called Jenn Brodery.

And I, like she said, I do monogramming and embroidery and then I have a gift shop. That's like at 164th in May. And then I just opened a booth at Abide Interiors, which is in downtown Edmond.

Okay, I'll link all this stuff in the show notes. So whoever's “listening, just look for it there and you can find more from Jenn. So that's all we have for today.

Thank you everyone for listening. And Jenn, just thank you so much for sharing your heart. I just know your words are such a blessing and you're just a light to all moms.

So thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks everyone for listening to another episode of the Elevate Motherhood Podcast. If you want more, be sure to click subscribe wherever you listen to this podcast. Thanks for being here friends.

Until next time, let's elevate motherhood.